something that I have in mind

How long time has passed and I do not write some memories? A week or more than a month? Seems that memories aren’t kept in the box that happened to be in. I wish I could rewind those things which is I’ve been through but I couldn’t even remember when those things happened in my daily, what date and day. Apparently, I just got to be older than I am now. talking about future life..and I want do something that I eager to do , well everybody wants to. I have a mind in design. Particularly, I want to see insight what Corel draw have. I want to explore my skill to use that program beside I used to using that program to make some design and I love design and I love to see when my pieces pinned on the wall and people see it. But, why there is no big desire from my heart to do that and make it real. Is that signed that I am just having time with design? Actually, when I was schoolchild I love to see model walking on the catwalk and see what they got on their own body and of course the clothes designs. i mean fashion designer is a part of design too, right? I have a mind to live in New York and I’d go around there, see what the city got. See the people do and go for work. I mean, I just got stunned when I see them so making do. I don’t have any specific way how I got there whether it’s just because I am so freaky rich or I got scholarship in University. Ha.. I have a mind to marry with overseas guy. I just want to make lifestyle just like theirs. I mean, how they teach their child and they are grown up with a good health and mind, see the child go through their school life succeeded, they have bright life, and others good things in your life with your family. I have a mind to become the fame nature photographer, fashion week photographer too . Laying hands on the achievement for being the best photographer ever. Wow.. so grateful I am. I don’t want to become a great accountant or working on the accounting spot. I feel like I don’t go up for that and I do not meant to be so ungrateful but I just not that into accounting. I don’t want to be a civil servant. One day, I am gonna have pets. A tomcat with a three color and have a long tail, angora one, a turtle, a baby tiger, a rabbit, and kitty. I have one eager desire. I will make this happen. And I am praying to Allah please make this pray happen. I want to go to Holly Land, Mecca with Ayah. I have some plan for my sisters and brother if I have a chance to become a deadly rich women. Amin. For Ayu, I will register her to the boarding school. She has to get scholarship after finish school. Though I know she’s not really good at school. But I really wish she have a bright future. Ayu will be a detective women, or lawyer, or singer. She’ll be professional of those kinds. For Ririn. I am going to enroll her in an agency in town because she has good looks. Ha.. I am kidding. I will insist her to wear veil though. Ririn is a cute, naughty, and attractive girl so I am going to put her in to boarding school too. Ririn will be an adventurer, housewives, chief of editor of fame mags. For Ikal. I do not really know this guy, how his personality, but he sort of a gentle guy and friendly. I’d let him choose whatever he want to be. But definitely I will suggest him to take one place in engineering faculty, major of study mining. I am being snappish waiting for him to grow up and be a man. Cause he’s on the third place after Ayah and I who’s going to bring up our family. Maybe this is the last thing I want to have in my life, die in a good way. May Allah answers what I pray for my life. Amin.

your love

I don’t know when I have this feeling. I don’t know where the beginning. But eventually I feel so enjoy and comfort with the love you give to me. I always ask to myself. How I am supposedly love someone. Am I really sacrificing everything to make the one that I love feeling glad? I ain’t even sure with love. Then you come. Show how love supposed to be. I love the way you express your love for me and nothing’s wrong that. Even people call you fool and moron. You just do how supposedly do when we love someone. And I know you are the best I ever had. When the time gets rough. Our love is in stake. You promise me will always around and always stand by me and fight for me. Times get worse, our past and present brought those problems to test out how huge your love to me and how universe my love to you. We spent a bit hours to talk about it. Overcome all the schemes. You said you don’t wanna fight and don’t wanna see me cry. You know, at that moment when you said those words, I was so touched and I feel like I was the luckiest girl in the world. I really hope our love will end up with happily ever after. I see how you and I through all schemes. When night comes, we build our future. There is a home where we share our heart and devotion. There is sunshine and we absorb the warm together and night sky presents the best. There is a picture on the wall, frame out our happiness and joy. In my pray, I always ask God to make those dreams comes true. I hope our love will never end till either you or I fade away from this life. Almost a year. There are tears and smiles. And I love every moment with you. You fill up my world that so bored before. Now, I ask my self, do I really ready to sacrifice everything for our relationship? Day by day , I realized I have sacrificed some stuffs. And you know what am feeling now? Seems those sacrifices I did are not enough compare with all the things you have done for me. Is it how love works? Sacrifice that you never get enough of? If that’s how love works, well that’s sound good for me. Even when I was in pain to make you feel comfort. That’s so okay for me. P.S : don’t get me wrong about the short romance essay I made. It raised from the dream I saw last night and the music I am listening now. It fuses into this story. Inspired by Heartquake, No other, What if, and Shining star by Super Junior..

arraci

there will be a time when i can not take your jokes, mocks, and laughing. there will be a time when i am going to state that please stop, i can not take it and listen it anymore. it is about to burst. but i am trying to holding back my anger and madness for you. if i am not in the good mood in the future, i can not guarantee that our friendship is going to the way it was if this is really happen . that's why i asked you to stop cause i am not a certain stuff to be laughed for the others. so, please stop before i get more irritated with you.. arraci?

a conversation

when you were in the conversation, it is hard to hide your feeling, true feeling, with your opposite, attractive opposite. if you have got really into the conversation,and it made you honest to yourself and with each other. you have become so open and kind, kinda never ending chatter. that is a conversation that make you tickel, happy, smile, bitter, a bit upset, sweet, laugh, and other sense. you were feeling all of those senses. even more, your opposite is the person that you have thought for this long time is not really treat you in a good way. and you just found out that she or he just as thrill as you are.

P.S i dont expected much cause i know, i have said to myself, that this thing is not my style.. but i am pleased to keep on this conversation or else.

I am sitting in our living room with only Uni around me. We have kinda left out, Ibu and Ayah now in Jakarta, enjoy their old time life, while Uda since he is, literally, not live in this home but he has been back and forth from Tanjung Enim. But he promised to back on 16th of July cause he have final exams. Well, I spent my afternoon with training at Kodam. Today we talked about something had done or you can say causative form then continously with Palembang favorite food. I got Model Palembang for my presentation theme.

Anyway, on this noon, I spent my time watch the final season of Smallville but it is not yet been finished. I was wondering how Clark Kent looks the same when they start the first season ot this series in 2000. I mean he is not even aging at his present. Well, Tom welling has his own secret how to make his face steady as ten years ago as innocent face still remains on his face.

I tend to end this note with a pray, I hope tomorrow I can meet my friends, we planned to have some meeting, hang out to share stories. We always do this thing -mean girl- big time and that’s why I extremely missed them. I hope our plan can go well.

xoxo-

It’s already about 4 months I am not post something in my blog. Well, I am kinda have a soul for writting now because I saw someone post about his blog. Maybe this is the good start to write something. Well, we should shared everything though mostly my post is all about myself but I hope people who read those posts have something or maybe mt writting had been inspired someone for some change. Lol.. well today I got bad and good news. I prefer to mention the bad first..

--jenj..jeng..jeng—

I got Be for my Accounting Theory class which I always be a good listener for this class and I have a target from the first beginning of this smeester, I want it so bad to get an A for this course. Instead of get an A with all efforts and something like you would say--I have the soul for this one—this lecturer gave me B. Well, I am still grateful for this. and the good news is I got an A for my ALK class which I got C before on fourth semester and same for my PI class. . Alhamdulillah..

HOW about things I have done today..erm..actually there are nothing but I spent my time rewatch the series that I have been watch about 5 times. Lol. Useless and I felt no entertainment while I was watching. So I consider today is just another million day of being sluggard.

Well, that’s my day and I am willing to post the other post next day... :)

Finding your princess and prince.

Let’s start with.. I was shocking and I am shocking.

Realizing that now, I am alone in this earth, at second hand. My father was dead this February and I have lost my Mother on 2005 pretty enough to makes me gone crazy. I mean none of person who is really care about me, none of my family tree would die for me, and I lost my mate of debate of issues like politics, religion, concepts, and life. And If you read this note, please don’t say sorry for it. it just makes me feel worst and worst. So just continue the reading and hear me, I am shocking, out. Losing their both is not pretty enough makes me gone crazy, I mean I am not losing my mind after all.

Maybe it is kinda fascinating title for you. Finding your princess and prince. But this note didn’t guide you how to find your man or woman nor what types of “prince” or princess” that would be fit for you. It talked about my friend, my male friend , who make me shocking, mad, cried out loud, a drop of my tear, and confuse. Today, he was whispering something. I said if this is not worthy enough to take my pleasure I am gonna kick you ( as I was in the midst of interesting conversation too). So, he stopped and continued. Seeing me and all of us. A second.” I have news and I would like you to know it” he said. And other friend burst out. .Is it the news about your married? and then he smile. But he never stated that he is now—freaky little husband or happily little husband.

Noooooooooooo……what the hell on earth!

He just having shy smiling as I just like worm which is just got pouring by heat water. You can say I am terrible not thrilled by how happy he is. I can't just believe in him. So, I was searching his eyeball, trying to find the sight that telling me “ Ha…you really bought it!” In other words, it is just practical joke. At the first stage, I wasn’t believe it. At the second stage, I am in between. At the third stage, I said to my self, he just tells the fake thing or maybe it is just a dream. Eventually, I was just stay very still and giving in but you know it is probably a scheme. And the moment when a drop of my tears out that the moment I realize that you are not just you are like I now you before, the moment when I know that you just devastated your life, and the moment when I am feeling you at ease and I am happy for that. It fuses in one tears, just one tear but leaving a huge question mark and a universe of confusing. You just shocking me, my today, crash my soul, my heart, my mind, my mood, and sight of life – ok, I am overwhelming now-- and you just crazy as always.


You said you still the old one. But I just can't handle the married man. You are not too cool anymore. I couldn’t stick with that. I am sorry if it is broke your heart. I was so mad at you at that moment– no reason-. i know you have a right to be happy include having someone that always stand by you in a good and in a bad but I just can't deal with happily 20 years old man who just got married. I mean why.
People say, I should happy for you, so I am telling you and not to forget this…I love you and I’ll be your supporter and wishing your married is pouring with the blessing of God --oh God I can't believe I said this stuff to you. And I am sorry that I have been how I have been in the place and in this note or like you just did something against the law ^_^ and I am chilling out now as my shocking fade.
Actually, I am still hoping that he texted me “//can't believe it you just bought the joke//” . Maybe I am not going to believe in him until I saw him in the wed party with his co-star sitting like statue, make up, and stuffs. And I hope you read this.

P.S what the heaven on earth for you!