come over or just stay

I am definetely need to write something. Oh God, I do not know what is happening right now. I am just keeping my self busy with my past in the U.S and wasting my time day by day by doing random activities. I have felt tensed these days and thought about my script. I ain't really deal with it. Last two days I said to myself that I need to finish in calculating data. I made my deadline, yet I haven't finish it. And right now I have in mind to go to Muaradua, my hometown. Actually, I'd not really wana go, but somehow, it has been in my head, crawling around in my brain, and appeared in my dream this morning. I dreamnt of my half little sister. I saw her already in teenage girl. I miss her so badly, I wanna see her. However, my past.. I am not going to recalling those hurt feeling by come over to Muara Dua. Also, my besties keep telling me that we need to meet up this Ied Fitri. Dillemma. In one hand, I wanna go back to the town, see my sister and my besties. In the other hand, I hate it when I am around at there, it'd feel so bad. I have to go to my parents graveyard, of course, which will make me sad, devastated, upset, and other bad emotions. As a wrap,I'd get neither a real happiness nor a real sadness. It is confusing tho' and I keep my fear for this long time. I have promised to myself that I won't face and deal with that emotions later on, so that I don't need to go to the town and get hurt. However, Muara Dua, it is just not common town, like I had born and fleed to other city and have no memories about it. I had a lot of thing left there. I just can't forget my past, my parents tombstone and my family. I realize, I haven't mature on this things. I need to see the bright side and left the fear that remain in me. God, I keep mentioning to go back to the town in my head, my heart also keep pushing the emotion and I know eventually,I will give in and listen to my heart. but then, how about my script. Suck! I have to push my self on that!!!