Like a car which is through the miles roads, life is just like that. That car may slow its speed or may stop for the gasoline charges. Life is just like that. You may on the top of your power, you do everything with joy and spirit, and it is possible for you to stop for a while to take a rest whether you are too fatigue or maybe you just need take a deep contemplating for the conditions you thought not go so well and feels like it is like a hell till the end.
A car has some broken and it is needed to be fixed, your life too. Your body and soul need to be fixed when you’ve realized something wrong with them, you soon go after the medicine. A car have been through a miles away of roads, it was very nice on the journey. Life is just the same, you go somewhere, taking a new experience, learning from difference custom of the people, adaptation or just spoil your soul and your senses.
Imagine you like a car on the road with a high speed there is no other vehicle, feeling the air, feeling the freedom, feeling the pain you have that takes you miles away to the state where you stand today. Maybe you loath so much the pain but with no them surrounding us there was no you like today. The person who challenged the life to make her life is better and free then ever.
I have to fight for my life till the end even the pain can kill myself, even it is so hurt, I am not going down, it is worthy for life, for the better life.
Sunday, November 21, 2010
Tuesday, November 16, 2010
this Adha
Happy Adha anyway..and i don't meant for ruining the Adha means.
why people always said
" Oh i could not celebrate and laughing with my mom, my dad, and my brothers..and all of my family on my family tree's graph.."
Oh really!!! why while you said those words you stare it my eyes and my face then see the difference before and after you do saying like crying baby-way and whining over it.
i hate it, when people said that.
you know what, i don't even celebrate and say i am sorry to ayah, ibu...for this three years Adha is passed. i really feeling terrible and get angry for it.
just a minute ago i heard my neighbour screaming out : Gilang, Gery sini dulu, mano anak papa ni, Salaman dulu..."
ayah is used to do that when we were done Adha prayer. ayah was always the one who came the last after pray, his voice cracking and said.." mano anak ayah ye..." then i go after him with hug and kiss...while Ibu prepare for the impatiently eaters.. i used to do those things long ago.
Allah, why a day, like Adha, i feel don't belong anymore. i feel really terrible when these day come cause i could not celebrate it with my family. and i feel so wicked cause this is the thrice i do not go for Adha pray. Adha may not mine since 2005. with not Ibu and ayah around me, i am in the darkness...
anyway, i go hate myself.
why people always said
" Oh i could not celebrate and laughing with my mom, my dad, and my brothers..and all of my family on my family tree's graph.."
Oh really!!! why while you said those words you stare it my eyes and my face then see the difference before and after you do saying like crying baby-way and whining over it.
i hate it, when people said that.
you know what, i don't even celebrate and say i am sorry to ayah, ibu...for this three years Adha is passed. i really feeling terrible and get angry for it.
just a minute ago i heard my neighbour screaming out : Gilang, Gery sini dulu, mano anak papa ni, Salaman dulu..."
ayah is used to do that when we were done Adha prayer. ayah was always the one who came the last after pray, his voice cracking and said.." mano anak ayah ye..." then i go after him with hug and kiss...while Ibu prepare for the impatiently eaters.. i used to do those things long ago.
Allah, why a day, like Adha, i feel don't belong anymore. i feel really terrible when these day come cause i could not celebrate it with my family. and i feel so wicked cause this is the thrice i do not go for Adha pray. Adha may not mine since 2005. with not Ibu and ayah around me, i am in the darkness...
anyway, i go hate myself.
Friday, November 5, 2010
a woman
such a weird day or i can say it a weird and fatigue week. these are chronicles :
1. i got news from Agus, on Wednesday 3rd. he was reported that we are ready to go to Yogya on Sunday 7th.
2. on Thursday 4th, i went to Vice Rector III asking about out technically departure and when we are going to land on Yogya. but bureaucrat is a hell thing on the earth ever! why is it go like crazy and mess up. make i and agus go up and down stair and go around the rectorat building for make this appearance at Yogya becomes true. final things is our budgeting is approval and the amount is about 8 million rupiah.
3.cause our additional class for AKL was canceled so i can go to Indralya for obtain the money. it was Friday 5th, my will is go to Indralaya and on my way in area of Palembang, i got a messages from Agus, he said, the event on Yogya is canceled cause Merapi has eruption again, and this is the big one ever since 26 th October the first eruption. so, the event is re-schedule on December. knowing that, i suddenly stop the bus right away to RSUP and doing what i wanna do on August, donor my blood.
on my way yo the PMI office,the building is right behind the RSUP, someone stopped me, a woman, around 40's and needs help. i actually not believe that she really needs help. she said that she is a victim of thief and need money for transportation back to her place. she prove it by showing the force-cutting on her bag to me. she said she have a family member but they are not in the place that she thought. well, i don't know what to do, but out of the deception, i hand over my Rp. 20.000 to her. she said thanks to me. she left and i continue my path.
i was thinking how if she has been lying to me and i bought it, if it's right, do i need feeling sorry or anger for her, because on one side she needs money if both of her motivate is fooling me or she is really the victim of thief. i should count this thing is charity thing, no angry just sorry for her whether or not she is lying or not about the thief.
1. i got news from Agus, on Wednesday 3rd. he was reported that we are ready to go to Yogya on Sunday 7th.
2. on Thursday 4th, i went to Vice Rector III asking about out technically departure and when we are going to land on Yogya. but bureaucrat is a hell thing on the earth ever! why is it go like crazy and mess up. make i and agus go up and down stair and go around the rectorat building for make this appearance at Yogya becomes true. final things is our budgeting is approval and the amount is about 8 million rupiah.
3.cause our additional class for AKL was canceled so i can go to Indralya for obtain the money. it was Friday 5th, my will is go to Indralaya and on my way in area of Palembang, i got a messages from Agus, he said, the event on Yogya is canceled cause Merapi has eruption again, and this is the big one ever since 26 th October the first eruption. so, the event is re-schedule on December. knowing that, i suddenly stop the bus right away to RSUP and doing what i wanna do on August, donor my blood.
on my way yo the PMI office,the building is right behind the RSUP, someone stopped me, a woman, around 40's and needs help. i actually not believe that she really needs help. she said that she is a victim of thief and need money for transportation back to her place. she prove it by showing the force-cutting on her bag to me. she said she have a family member but they are not in the place that she thought. well, i don't know what to do, but out of the deception, i hand over my Rp. 20.000 to her. she said thanks to me. she left and i continue my path.
i was thinking how if she has been lying to me and i bought it, if it's right, do i need feeling sorry or anger for her, because on one side she needs money if both of her motivate is fooling me or she is really the victim of thief. i should count this thing is charity thing, no angry just sorry for her whether or not she is lying or not about the thief.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
WTF
Lately, i was feeling so having fun with my friends and my days. Yuli said that i am the one who act like child around us. well, i am being the youngest one and surrounded by my sticky best friends Pia (21 y.o), Vhani (20 y.o), Pazkah (20 y.o), Yuli (20 y.o) and Nia (concern it as 20 y.o cause she getting old one year on Nov 11)..and i am left 19 y.o..
i need to clarify, actually i am mature, dude! compare with you all (them above) i still like, much-much like as you call it when you were playgroup such as jumping, bouncing, loud of laughter, bite Vhani and other things you do when you were playgroup. but, that's it!
i am free, you can not force me, i do everythings that i like. and i don't really give a shit about what people comment about the way i act. i love the way i am. it's clear.
but on mindset-side i am more deeper, sensitive, and philosophy..recalled i am having a big crash, losing my Ibu, it was big thing and it has changed me.
and about being 20 y.o currently makes me stressed. i am gonna miss my teenage. and when i get my 20 i won't this 20 y.o restrict me to those ways i like..considered that i don't like become 20 y.o. 20 y.o means no excuse when you act like child and when people see that weird stuff you do on 20 y.o they'll said 20 y.o form with 4 y.o behave.
this is the me-when-20 y.o list :
1. being 20 y.o means you are in boundaries from children-act. less the talk, no loud laughter, wiser...huftt.
2. i am getting older, it is fitrah. i can't ignore it. and i have admit it to my sociality.
3. i could not mock my best friend who is 20 y.o while i am 20 y.o..it means i mock to my self..huhh
4. i need to concern about my body, my mind, and lecture.
5. being 20 y.o means there is another year for you to going through 21, 22, 23, 24.....(if you have time). i feels like need more shoulder to carry them on. people asking you to more serious and concern about LIFE and LIVE.
6. i have to deal with diet..arghhhhh
7. MAYBE i change my point of view when i face problems or stuff
8. more calm down.
9. and i am gonna miss the way when people asking, how old are you, and i said very proudly, i am nineteen..:D
Allah, i don't meant it, like ain't have any grateful for the one year minus of my time on earth. Allah, i accept it. but my society, maybe. they ask me, you are not allowed for this...and bla..bla..huffttt
anyway, i am going 20 y.o on January 13th..this note reflect about my best friend who is going 20 y.o, Nia, and based on the born-logical-time the next is me, and i don't know why it has the effect on me.
i need to clarify, actually i am mature, dude! compare with you all (them above) i still like, much-much like as you call it when you were playgroup such as jumping, bouncing, loud of laughter, bite Vhani and other things you do when you were playgroup. but, that's it!
i am free, you can not force me, i do everythings that i like. and i don't really give a shit about what people comment about the way i act. i love the way i am. it's clear.
but on mindset-side i am more deeper, sensitive, and philosophy..recalled i am having a big crash, losing my Ibu, it was big thing and it has changed me.
and about being 20 y.o currently makes me stressed. i am gonna miss my teenage. and when i get my 20 i won't this 20 y.o restrict me to those ways i like..considered that i don't like become 20 y.o. 20 y.o means no excuse when you act like child and when people see that weird stuff you do on 20 y.o they'll said 20 y.o form with 4 y.o behave.
this is the me-when-20 y.o list :
1. being 20 y.o means you are in boundaries from children-act. less the talk, no loud laughter, wiser...huftt.
2. i am getting older, it is fitrah. i can't ignore it. and i have admit it to my sociality.
3. i could not mock my best friend who is 20 y.o while i am 20 y.o..it means i mock to my self..huhh
4. i need to concern about my body, my mind, and lecture.
5. being 20 y.o means there is another year for you to going through 21, 22, 23, 24.....(if you have time). i feels like need more shoulder to carry them on. people asking you to more serious and concern about LIFE and LIVE.
6. i have to deal with diet..arghhhhh
7. MAYBE i change my point of view when i face problems or stuff
8. more calm down.
9. and i am gonna miss the way when people asking, how old are you, and i said very proudly, i am nineteen..:D
Allah, i don't meant it, like ain't have any grateful for the one year minus of my time on earth. Allah, i accept it. but my society, maybe. they ask me, you are not allowed for this...and bla..bla..huffttt
anyway, i am going 20 y.o on January 13th..this note reflect about my best friend who is going 20 y.o, Nia, and based on the born-logical-time the next is me, and i don't know why it has the effect on me.
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