everyday i woke from my sleep and i suddenly for the first of my blink i evaluate every things, detail thing and a big stuff, i do correction. that things just came up from my head, and my brain trying to remember what is in the past and choose whether it was the correct one or the bad stuff. and every time my brain find out a little thing about mistaken, i got irritate, i promise to myself not do that again but i just know it's all about me, myself and i who gonna do, again, the wrong i had before.
everyday, we do sins and i think it's time to think about it a lot, i feel like we are on the emergency condition, we are in the end of time, just waiting for the blow up of the earth and universe. and i don't know if i do really prepare about that time.
huh, i hope i get heaven soon after i went to the hell ..amin.
Monday, October 11, 2010
Monday, September 20, 2010
cemetery
Cemetery. When I was there, when I walked on the way to the cemetery , I am tryng to raised up some memories about her. About the one who I am gonna give the world for her best, the one who I let down and the one who I am most pitiful about. It was easy for me to makes those memories comes up and those memories always makes me cry and screaming in my heart. Why!! I hate the way the things could go like this! I hate it. She’s always on my mind, from the time I wake up till I close my eyes and before I go bed, I’ll thinking about her, about how disappointed her about me, how blessed me to have mom like her and how her cursed makes her life like hell when she was with me.. that’s so makes me wanna kill myself.
Mom, there are some people said to me that there are three charity that never gonna stop to help you after you death and its have some Nur to light up your grave. And when I was at cemetery, I thinking about it hardly. I’ve thinking about how you make your charity. Then .. i closed my eyes and try to remember who are you and what you have done. (1) you were a religion guru, and there is a fine line between was being a teacher and doing da’wah..so you got your charity, amal jariyah, (2) you’re a child and a woman, and when I live with you, I know you were a good child, you have a kind with grandma..so you got your charity, a good child, (3) as all people know that you were educated and a teacher, so all you know about Islam you’ve transferred it to your students so you got your charity, shared your knowledge and it’s useful. Utterly, it has into you.
Wow, you’re amazing mom.
Last night, before I went sleep I closed my eyes and try to remember how your face was… it’s makes me feel sad, it’s hard to me to remember the exact face, remember the time we’ve spent together at home and outside. But suddenly, like a light, your face comes like a picture, then you smile to me, I compared it to my smile..well, it’s same, same like my smile..i saw your laugh, same like me..oh..i am glad I could remember those things.
This morning, I went to Etek Indah’s house..and in the end of the visiting, I told Etek Indah’s mom to pray for me for my success. She remarked “ Hadirke Umak kau…”. I got silent.
I’ve never expected that those words comes out. I am feeling motivate and inspiring.
Look Mom, how your greatness influence me so real.
Mom in Allah’s heaven.
May Allah forgive all of your sins, light your grave on, and till death do us meetings and take our time in heaven. I hope you’re still as you’re in my memories. Don’t get older nor younger. Amin.
With big love
From your cursed daughter
Mom, there are some people said to me that there are three charity that never gonna stop to help you after you death and its have some Nur to light up your grave. And when I was at cemetery, I thinking about it hardly. I’ve thinking about how you make your charity. Then .. i closed my eyes and try to remember who are you and what you have done. (1) you were a religion guru, and there is a fine line between was being a teacher and doing da’wah..so you got your charity, amal jariyah, (2) you’re a child and a woman, and when I live with you, I know you were a good child, you have a kind with grandma..so you got your charity, a good child, (3) as all people know that you were educated and a teacher, so all you know about Islam you’ve transferred it to your students so you got your charity, shared your knowledge and it’s useful. Utterly, it has into you.
Wow, you’re amazing mom.
Last night, before I went sleep I closed my eyes and try to remember how your face was… it’s makes me feel sad, it’s hard to me to remember the exact face, remember the time we’ve spent together at home and outside. But suddenly, like a light, your face comes like a picture, then you smile to me, I compared it to my smile..well, it’s same, same like my smile..i saw your laugh, same like me..oh..i am glad I could remember those things.
This morning, I went to Etek Indah’s house..and in the end of the visiting, I told Etek Indah’s mom to pray for me for my success. She remarked “ Hadirke Umak kau…”. I got silent.
I’ve never expected that those words comes out. I am feeling motivate and inspiring.
Look Mom, how your greatness influence me so real.
Mom in Allah’s heaven.
May Allah forgive all of your sins, light your grave on, and till death do us meetings and take our time in heaven. I hope you’re still as you’re in my memories. Don’t get older nor younger. Amin.
With big love
From your cursed daughter
Tuesday, July 13, 2010
May Allah answers what I pray for my life
How long time has passed and I do not write some memories? A week or more than a month? Seems that memories aren’t kept in the box that happened to be in. I wish I could rewind those things which is I’ve been through but I couldn’t even remember when those things happened in my daily, what date and day. Apparently, I just got to be older than I am now.
Tonight I do not wanna talking about what happen today, I just want to talk about life and what my dreams is.
I want do something that I eager to do that, well everybody wants to.
I have a mind in design. Particularly, I want to see insight what Corel draw have. I want to explore my skill to use that program beside I used to using that program to make some design and I love design and I love to see when my pieces pinned on the wall and people see it. But, why there is no big desire from my heart to do that and make it real. Is that signed that I am just having time with design? Actually, when I was schoolchild I love to see model walking on the catwalk and see what they got on their own body and of course the clothes designs.
I have a mind to live in New York and I’d go around there, see what the city got. See the people do and go for work. I mean, I just got stunned when I see them so making do. I don’t have any specific way how I got there whether it’s just because I am so freaky rich or I got scholarship in New York University. Ha..
I have a mind to marry with overseas guy. I just want to make lifestyle just like theirs. I mean, how they teach their child and they are grown up with a good health and mind, see the child go through their school life succeeded, they have bright life, and others good things in your life with your family.
I have a mind to become the fame nature photographer, fashion week photographer too . Laying hands on the achievement for being the best photographer ever. Wow.. so grateful I am.
I don’t want to become a great accountant or working on the accounting spot. I feel like I don’t go up for that and I do not meant to be so ungrateful but I just not that into accounting.
I don’t want to be a civil servant.
One day, I am gonna have pets. A tomcat with a three color and have a long tail, angora one, a turtle, a baby tiger, a rabbit, and kitty.
I have one eager desire. I will make this happen. And I am praying to Allah please make this pray happen. I want to go to Holly Land, Mecca with Ayah.
I have some plan for my sisters and brother if I have a chance to become a deadly rich women. Amin.
For Ayu, I will register her to the boarding school. She has to get scholarship after finish school. Though I know she’s not really good at school. But I really wish she have a bright future. Ayu will be a detective women, or lawyer, or singer. She’ll be professional of those kinds.
For Ririn. I am going to enroll her in an agency in town because she has good looks. Ha.. I am kidding. I will insist her to wear veil though. Ririn is a cute, naughty, and attractive girl so I am going to put her in to boarding school too. Ririn will be an adventurer, housewives, chief of editor of fame mags.
For Ikal. I do not really know this guy, how his personality, but he sort of a gentle guy and friendly. I’d let him choose whatever he want to be. But definitely I will suggest him to take one place in engineering faculty, major of study mining. I am being snappish waiting for him to grow up and be a man. Cause he’s on the third place after Ayah and I who’s going to bring up our family.
Maybe this is the last thing I want to have in my life, die in a good way.
May Allah answers what I pray for my life. Amin.
Tonight I do not wanna talking about what happen today, I just want to talk about life and what my dreams is.
I want do something that I eager to do that, well everybody wants to.
I have a mind in design. Particularly, I want to see insight what Corel draw have. I want to explore my skill to use that program beside I used to using that program to make some design and I love design and I love to see when my pieces pinned on the wall and people see it. But, why there is no big desire from my heart to do that and make it real. Is that signed that I am just having time with design? Actually, when I was schoolchild I love to see model walking on the catwalk and see what they got on their own body and of course the clothes designs.
I have a mind to live in New York and I’d go around there, see what the city got. See the people do and go for work. I mean, I just got stunned when I see them so making do. I don’t have any specific way how I got there whether it’s just because I am so freaky rich or I got scholarship in New York University. Ha..
I have a mind to marry with overseas guy. I just want to make lifestyle just like theirs. I mean, how they teach their child and they are grown up with a good health and mind, see the child go through their school life succeeded, they have bright life, and others good things in your life with your family.
I have a mind to become the fame nature photographer, fashion week photographer too . Laying hands on the achievement for being the best photographer ever. Wow.. so grateful I am.
I don’t want to become a great accountant or working on the accounting spot. I feel like I don’t go up for that and I do not meant to be so ungrateful but I just not that into accounting.
I don’t want to be a civil servant.
One day, I am gonna have pets. A tomcat with a three color and have a long tail, angora one, a turtle, a baby tiger, a rabbit, and kitty.
I have one eager desire. I will make this happen. And I am praying to Allah please make this pray happen. I want to go to Holly Land, Mecca with Ayah.
I have some plan for my sisters and brother if I have a chance to become a deadly rich women. Amin.
For Ayu, I will register her to the boarding school. She has to get scholarship after finish school. Though I know she’s not really good at school. But I really wish she have a bright future. Ayu will be a detective women, or lawyer, or singer. She’ll be professional of those kinds.
For Ririn. I am going to enroll her in an agency in town because she has good looks. Ha.. I am kidding. I will insist her to wear veil though. Ririn is a cute, naughty, and attractive girl so I am going to put her in to boarding school too. Ririn will be an adventurer, housewives, chief of editor of fame mags.
For Ikal. I do not really know this guy, how his personality, but he sort of a gentle guy and friendly. I’d let him choose whatever he want to be. But definitely I will suggest him to take one place in engineering faculty, major of study mining. I am being snappish waiting for him to grow up and be a man. Cause he’s on the third place after Ayah and I who’s going to bring up our family.
Maybe this is the last thing I want to have in my life, die in a good way.
May Allah answers what I pray for my life. Amin.
Thursday, July 8, 2010
ruin week and blessed road for better thoughts
This is my first posting notes on my fb account, officially. Obviously, everyone can see that i've posted things about taxation..but i'm not called that as a note.
I am in the living room, listening music, somebody to love from queen >nice song really, lay down my bones on the sofa with the half dark light. I'm trying do some creativity imagination.. But, seems like i can't got there!! Agh..i hate this time, too much chaos in a week, first my slot memory got screwed up by viruses and its gave an effect to my ponsel unwork properly..but then it's going out well because of my geniusity..
Now, my cartridge was broken, maybe it is caused by my feet, it's unconditionally move, i was sorry cause i kicked its bump. And i think that kick drove some broken to the cartridge! Oh..i know i used to apply my rude and rough to my hardware.. You know it's kinda a rugby game.
And the winner of the choas is i am on the spot of insufficient of money.. Yeah! What a great life. Just keep up girl! I can through all this messed up and everything and ruin is going to returns the way it was :)
I am in the living room, listening music, somebody to love from queen >nice song really, lay down my bones on the sofa with the half dark light. I'm trying do some creativity imagination.. But, seems like i can't got there!! Agh..i hate this time, too much chaos in a week, first my slot memory got screwed up by viruses and its gave an effect to my ponsel unwork properly..but then it's going out well because of my geniusity..
Now, my cartridge was broken, maybe it is caused by my feet, it's unconditionally move, i was sorry cause i kicked its bump. And i think that kick drove some broken to the cartridge! Oh..i know i used to apply my rude and rough to my hardware.. You know it's kinda a rugby game.
And the winner of the choas is i am on the spot of insufficient of money.. Yeah! What a great life. Just keep up girl! I can through all this messed up and everything and ruin is going to returns the way it was :)
Monday, July 5, 2010
Tuesday, June 8, 2010
Oo..GOD ! I really eager do hedonism things. I miss that things much when i was at first semester. I do what i wanna do. Walking around the mall, look up pasar 16, seeing what people do, and take the wise things then realize how Allah give His blessing on me. And now i just missing that. I was being so productive when i am on that point. Experiencing what people do only in my mind.
Uhh.. What a bad around guy. He's smoking, its ashes and smoke goes to me. And his wife already got cough then i am using my unfriendly face like i wanna slap him and using my gross staring eyes at him! Uhh.. Why he's not got my messages??
Back to my point. I want do some to entertaint my self, get my dizzy soul. Well, after this final exam week, i am going to make it up for you, my soul...
I wanna go to Mall, karaoke, go to 21 theater, window shopping...but if i have enough money..well, there's no one could blame me if i am buy stuffs :)
Uhh.. What a bad around guy. He's smoking, its ashes and smoke goes to me. And his wife already got cough then i am using my unfriendly face like i wanna slap him and using my gross staring eyes at him! Uhh.. Why he's not got my messages??
Back to my point. I want do some to entertaint my self, get my dizzy soul. Well, after this final exam week, i am going to make it up for you, my soul...
I wanna go to Mall, karaoke, go to 21 theater, window shopping...but if i have enough money..well, there's no one could blame me if i am buy stuffs :)
Scent good air.
I'm in the middle of hectic glamour area.. Well, we're in uni qq yudisium. And this event ain't start yet while people are waiting and murmuring! As i know i will through some things like this next 2 years..i am excited too, seeing people celebrate their graduated. Wish luck around you pals!!
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