my new room

this is my new bedroom, and i am feeling so comfort and enjoy my new room, fresh air and new sight..

i have changed the sofa to the dispenser spot. make up my wardrobe and books.
though it was so tired, sweat, and dusty.. i am happy cause my room went clear, clean, wider, and it is so tight be in here :) and of course my scent is spreading around.

PIZZA HUWI

YOUR NEW LIFESTYLE
ENJOY!

in between

i am quite surprised about i passed the requirement for being a SAHABAT WISDOM and November 1st, Agus and I, ready to go to UGM University. but, Agus said that we are not go there as a LO Liason Officer but as a participant. and as far i know about being a participant , you have to prepared one presentation about the event and of course your point of view, in English, not Bahasa. well, it quite challenge my self but i am not pretty sure to speak in front of many people who expert on their own field.

Allah, please help, there are another things to worry about. my AKL test and research methodology, i am not find a title yet. please Alah help me, make me strong to pass all of them. i am so worry, when i decided to choose go to UGM University, i have to stay there at least twelve days and i am pretty sure i missed all at least 2 meeting, and they are both are not easy to pass with a good score. it scheduled on Nov 2nd a AKL 2nd test with Mr. Arista is held, and 6th of Nov is proposal presentation. ya Allah..help me please.

make them, all of them happen in a good ways and i can handle them both. Amin. and thanks a lot Allah..for make this dream happened.

define individualisme

this is the reason why i want to be an individualisme

first, because you don't have to be care to anyone problems. let they make up and overcome their own problem without you interrupt them. but i still thinking deeper about why people wants to know the others problem while they have more problems, is it a problem when you don't know anyone problems?

second, it's a habits in my country, Indonesia, gossip is the highest ranking of tv channel. infotainment have a blast and everybody, especially housewives who is heard from her neighborhood about a musician's scandal,run to the house, get a remote tv soon, turn on ,and a provocative, hi-pitched voice airing. see, everyone love Gossip.

third, when you become an individulist, you are more safe from the sins, cause when you are a part of society who love gossip much then you realize that it's not health for your soul, you quit and it's make you a people who just stay away from sins. congrats!

fourth, people around you are more happier cause the have a friend who don't want to be a Dr.gossip who might say things which hurt anybody.

so, why we just be a individulisme who don't care about people scandal. i don't care about social science point of view, gossip as a control social and every things.

this is individulisme what i mean.and maybe i will become a strictly individualist when this world get more worse.

world revolves and they are still

some people born in this world, and i don't know why, they are used to make this world more worse, they do total destruction. some times i am asking to myself and i answered back to mine, do i belong to those kind of people. I hope i ain't. but when i met to those people, my point for them is "better you go hell man!" insulting them makes me more satisfied. do that point makes me closes to them. i hope not.



i hate the way they act like childish and selfish and utterly makes me want to vomit. i loathe them and feel like it's not make any sense for doing some communication or greeting to them.



i wish i born like Hulk, when i got angry then transform my body to giant green who save the world and help those people easier to get the place they deserve and fit with. Amin.



but i know while the worlds revolves they are still live even a lot.

suddenly sins

everyday i woke from my sleep and i suddenly for the first of my blink i evaluate every things, detail thing and a big stuff, i do correction. that things just came up from my head, and my brain trying to remember what is in the past and choose whether it was the correct one or the bad stuff. and every time my brain find out a little thing about mistaken, i got irritate, i promise to myself not do that again but i just know it's all about me, myself and i who gonna do, again, the wrong i had before.

everyday, we do sins and i think it's time to think about it a lot, i feel like we are on the emergency condition, we are in the end of time, just waiting for the blow up of the earth and universe. and i don't know if i do really prepare about that time.

huh, i hope i get heaven soon after i went to the hell ..amin.

cemetery

Cemetery. When I was there, when I walked on the way to the cemetery , I am tryng to raised up some memories about her. About the one who I am gonna give the world for her best, the one who I let down and the one who I am most pitiful about. It was easy for me to makes those memories comes up and those memories always makes me cry and screaming in my heart. Why!! I hate the way the things could go like this! I hate it. She’s always on my mind, from the time I wake up till I close my eyes and before I go bed, I’ll thinking about her, about how disappointed her about me, how blessed me to have mom like her and how her cursed makes her life like hell when she was with me.. that’s so makes me wanna kill myself.
Mom, there are some people said to me that there are three charity that never gonna stop to help you after you death and its have some Nur to light up your grave. And when I was at cemetery, I thinking about it hardly. I’ve thinking about how you make your charity. Then .. i closed my eyes and try to remember who are you and what you have done. (1) you were a religion guru, and there is a fine line between was being a teacher and doing da’wah..so you got your charity, amal jariyah, (2) you’re a child and a woman, and when I live with you, I know you were a good child, you have a kind with grandma..so you got your charity, a good child, (3) as all people know that you were educated and a teacher, so all you know about Islam you’ve transferred it to your students so you got your charity, shared your knowledge and it’s useful. Utterly, it has into you.
Wow, you’re amazing mom.
Last night, before I went sleep I closed my eyes and try to remember how your face was… it’s makes me feel sad, it’s hard to me to remember the exact face, remember the time we’ve spent together at home and outside. But suddenly, like a light, your face comes like a picture, then you smile to me, I compared it to my smile..well, it’s same, same like my smile..i saw your laugh, same like me..oh..i am glad I could remember those things.
This morning, I went to Etek Indah’s house..and in the end of the visiting, I told Etek Indah’s mom to pray for me for my success. She remarked “ Hadirke Umak kau…”. I got silent.
I’ve never expected that those words comes out. I am feeling motivate and inspiring.
Look Mom, how your greatness influence me so real.

Mom in Allah’s heaven.
May Allah forgive all of your sins, light your grave on, and till death do us meetings and take our time in heaven. I hope you’re still as you’re in my memories. Don’t get older nor younger. Amin.
With big love
From your cursed daughter